Fathers and Finances: 3 Important Money Lessons to Talk About With Your Kids or Grandkids

Key Takeaways Divorced spouses married 10+ years can claim Social Security benefits based on their ex’s record without reducing anyone else's benefits. Splitting retirement accounts requires specific legal documents (QDROs for 401(k)s) drafted precisely to your plan's requirements. Investment properties and taxable accounts carry hidden tax liabilities that significantly reduce their actual value. No one gets married planning for divorce. Yet here you are, facing a fresh financial start you never wanted. Maybe you’re 43 with two kids and suddenly managing on your own. Or you’re 56, staring down retirement in a decade, wondering how you’ll catch up after splitting assets down the middle. We get it. Divorce is brutal, emotionally and financially. And the financial piece often feels overwhelming when you're still processing everything else. According to research , women's household income drops by an average of 41% after divorce, while men's falls by about 23%. Those aren't just statistics. They're the reality many of our clients face when they first come to us. But here's something we've seen time and again: While you can't control what happened, you absolutely can control what happens next. Financial planning after divorce isn't just damage control. With the right approach, it can be the beginning of a more intentional and empowered relationship with your money. Here’s how to get there: First, Understand What You’re Working With Before you can move forward, you need a clear picture of your current financial situation. Start by gathering every financial document related to your divorce settlement: property division agreements, retirement account splits, alimony or child support arrangements, and any debt you’re responsible for. Then create a simple inventory: What you have: Bank account balances Investment and retirement accounts Home equity Expected alimony or child support income What you owe: Mortgage or rent obligations Credit card debt Car loans Student loans This baseline gives you something concrete to work with. You can't build a plan without knowing where you're starting from. Social Security Benefits for Divorced Spouses This one surprises people. If you were married for at least 10 years, you may be entitled to benefits based on your ex-spouse's work record, even if they've remarried. You can claim benefits based on your ex’s record if: Your marriage lasted 10+ years You’re currently unmarried You’re 62+ years old Your ex-spouse is eligible for Social Security benefits The benefit you can receive is up to 50% of your ex-spouse’s full retirement benefit if you wait until full retirement age to claim. Importantly, claiming benefits on your ex’s record doesn’t reduce their benefits or their current spouse’s benefits. If you’re eligible for both your own benefits and your ex’s, Social Security will automatically pay whichever amount is higher. What About Splitting Retirement Accounts in Divorce? Retirement accounts often represent one of the largest assets in a divorce settlement. Understanding how to handle the division properly can save you thousands in taxes and penalties. The QDRO Process For 401(k)s and most employer-sponsored retirement plans, you’ll need a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). This legal document outlines the plan administrator's instructions for splitting the account without triggering early withdrawal penalties. QDROs must be drafted precisely according to both your divorce decree and the specific plan’s rules and requirements. We’ve seen clients lose thousands of dollars because their QDRO wasn’t accepted and had to be redrafted. Work with an attorney who specializes in QDROs. The upfront cost will be worth it to avoid expensive problems later. What About IRAs? Traditional and Roth IRAs can be split through your divorce decree without a QDRO. The transfer must be made directly from one IRA to another (not withdrawn or deposited) to avoid taxes and penalties. Tax Implications to Consider When you receive retirement assets in a divorce, you’re getting the account value and its future tax liability. A $200k traditional 401(k) isn’t worth the same as $200k in a Roth IRA or home equity, because of the different tax treatments. Many settlements divide assets dollar-for-dollar without considering how those dollars are taxed, so make sure yours addresses these differences. Dividing Investment Properties and Taxable Accounts Retirement accounts aren’t the only assets that require careful handling. If you own real estate investments or taxable brokerage accounts, the way you divide them matters. The Capital Gains Dilemma Let’s say you own a rental property purchased for $200k and is now worth $400k. Selling it as part of the divorce triggers capital gains tax on that gain, potentially $30,000-$60,000, depending on your tax bracket. Some couples avoid this by having one spouse keep the property and buy out the other’s share. This defers the tax hit, but you’ll want to ensure the buyout price accounts for future tax liability. Taxable Investment Accounts Brokerage accounts can be divided without triggering taxes if you transfer shares directly rather than selling and splitting proceeds. However, not all shares are equal from a tax perspective. Smart divorce settlements account for the cost basis of investments. These decisions require coordination between your divorce attorney, a CPA who understands divorce taxation, and a financial advisor who can model different scenarios. We remember a client whose settlement gave her a rental property “worth” $350,000. But the $80,000 in deferred capital gains owed when selling wasn’t accounted for. She effectively received $270,000 in value, not $350,000, a massive difference in her actual financial position. Building Your New Budget and Savings Strategy Living on one income after years of two requires adjustment. Start with your new essential expenses: housing, utilities, groceries, transportation, insurance, and any child-related costs. Then look at what’s left: this is where you begin rebuilding your financial cushion. Rebuilding Your Emergency Fund If you had to split or use your emergency savings during the divorce, rebuilding should be your first priority. Aim for at least three months of expenses, then work toward six months. Even $100 a month adds up to $1,200 each year. Maximize Retirement Contributions This feels counterintuitive when money is tight, but if your employer offers a 401(k) match, contribute at least enough to get a full match. Otherwise, you’re leaving free money on the table. If you’re over 50, take advantage of catch-up contributions. For 2025, you can contribute up to $23,500 to a 401(k), plus an additional $7,500 in catch-up contributions. If you're between 60-63, that catch-up increases to $11,250. Address Debt Strategically Post-divorce debt looks different for everyone. If you accumulated credit card debt while covering legal fees or temporary living expenses during divorce proceedings, prioritize paying these off once your settlement funds are available. Updating Your Estate Documents Updating beneficiaries and estate documents, a critical step, is sometimes overlooked. Check beneficiaries on: Life insurance policies Retirement accounts Bank accounts with payable-on-death designations Investment accounts Beneficiary designations override what’s in your will. We’ve seen ex-spouses receive retirement assets years after a divorce simply because the account owner failed to update beneficiaries. Address your will, healthcare power of attorney, and financial power of attorney, too. You're Not Starting from Zero Rebuilding wealth after divorce is about creating a financial foundation that supports the life you want to build moving forward. You have experience, earning potential, and time. It’s not a matter of if you can rebuild, but how efficiently you’ll do it. If you’re navigating financial planning after divorce, we can help. At Five Pine Wealth Management, we work with clients through major life transitions, creating practical strategies tailored to your specific situation. Call us at 877.333.1015 or email info@fivepinewealth.com to schedule a conversation. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) Q: Will I lose my ex-spouse's Social Security benefits if I remarry? A: Yes. Once you remarry, you can no longer collect your ex-spouse’s benefits. However, if your new marriage ends, you may claim benefits based on whichever ex-spouse's record is higher. Q: How long after divorce should I wait before making major financial decisions? A: Most advisors recommend waiting 6-12 months before making irreversible decisions like selling your home or making large investments. Focus first on understanding your new financial situation and letting the emotional dust settle. Q: Should I keep the house or take more retirement assets in the settlement?  A: This depends on your specific situation, but remember: houses have ongoing costs like property taxes, insurance, maintenance, and utilities that retirement accounts don't. We help clients run scenarios comparing both options, factoring in everything from cash flow needs to long-term growth potential, before deciding what makes sense for their situation.